Fight Human Nature, Assume Positive Intent...

I never cease to be amazed at how many people think other people are out to make their lives more challenging.   I tell teams regularly, "People do not wake up in the morning thinking of ways to make your life harder."   Yet, we all seem to think that, or like to use that as a crutch or excuse in times of trouble.   Even knowing and understanding the power of assuming positive intent, I find myself being suspicious of others' intentions before recognizing where I am going and course correcting myself towards trust and positive intent.

Recently, I ran into a great podcast, "Trust vs. Suspicion" by Andy Stanley, that in a way talks about this concept.   He describes the relationship between trust and suspicion and gives some guidelines on how we can change our mindsets.  One of the things I personally found interesting was his example from Patrick Lencioni book "The Advantage", where he talked about how human nature naturally leads us to be suspicious of someone's intent.   Specifically he talked about what Lencioni referred to as the fundamental attribution error.

"The fundamental attribution error is the tendency to attribute the negative or frustrating behaviors of colleagues to their intentions or personalities.  On the flip side, attributing your own frustrating or negative behaviors to environmental factors."  

- Patrick Lencioni

To put it in a real world context, imagine you see your co-worker constantly getting up to take personal phone calls while working a project with tight deadlines.   You may immediately attribute that to their intentions or personality; for example, they may have a lack of respect for their peers and the organization, or you may think they are looking for ways to leave the organization or do not care about the deadlines in front of you.   All things you've made up because you have decided to be suspicious of the individual's activities rather than just trusting them and assuming positive intent.   On the other hand, if you were taking those personal phone calls, you would not necessarily see an issue with it because you knew you were working late and just wanted to make sure the family was okay or just needed to make arrangements so things were taken care of while you worked on the deadline.   You instantly believe you should get that benefit of the doubt from others, but you do not extend that belief to others.

The key here is to recognize that you are doing this and work to change your mindset.   Start looking at it from the other's perspective and trust that they have positive intentions.  Give them the benefit of the doubt that you feel should be afforded to you.

"Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at will change" 

- Wayne Dyer

Andy Stanley goes on in the podcast to talk about how organizational leaders should handle this once they recognize this is part of human nature.   I thought he made a great point: make it explicit, talk about it as a leadership team and decide to fill gaps with trust and not suspicion.  As he said there is no win organizationally filling gaps with suspicion, but there is a huge win in filling it with trust (even if ultimately proven wrong in the end).   Being intentional about the way you want your organization to think and act is critical.  

Although my work environment largely has a culture of assuming positive intent, it's very easy to get away from that way of thinking in tough times.   We understand that it can be a difficult journey fighting human nature, so if we see our peers stray or start going in a negative direction, we do our best to not feed the fire but to provide words of encouragement or guidance to each other so we can course correct ourselves and get us back on the better path.

If you are a leader of your organization, your organization's culture (assuming you've been around a few years) is largely a make up of how you work and communicate.  You want to definitely build up an environment of trust first, assume positive intent first, and ultimately it will lead to less drama within your organization and in turn better focus and better results.

Make all your relationships, "Clients For Life"

A number of years ago, I attended a seminar where the speaker talked about the client for life triangle.   It's a fairly simple concept, but as with a number of simple concepts around leadership, it can have a big impact on you and your organization if done well.

Here's the triangle:

Client For Life Triangle

At the bottom of the triangle is your client base.   These are the ones that you interact with on a regular basis; they maybe external customers or if your leading operational teams (e.g. IT, Accounting, Maintenance, Security, ect... ) they could be other internal customers.   Either way, they are the ones that you and your teams strive to support on a regular basis.

In the middle of the triangle are your key clients; these are the ones that drive your business.  They help you understand what direction you should be moving in and they are the ones that may be more demanding of your time.   It's possible that you may also be dependent on these clients for continued growth and success, and losing them may prove disastrous.

As a goal, you should know where your current clients fit in your triangle, and you should strive to get them to the top of the triangle and have them categorized as a client for life.   Having a client for life means that you've become a trusted advisor for that client; you've been able to turn the tables, and now they rely on you for guidance and direction.   They will be your biggest advocate to open doors and opportunities for you.  Best of all, you'll become a part of their inner circle, you'll be consulted on decisions before they happen so you can tailor exceptional solutions for your clients, and they'll come to you before problems arise so you can work on tackling them before they become larger issues.

Before I provide you some insights on how to convert those key clients to clients for life, keep in mind this doesn't have to be a business specific engagement.   All of us have "clients".  The term "client" can be applied to friends, your family or your team.   I personally try to strive to apply these insights to every interaction.  This is because at the end of the day I want to be a trusted advisor, I want people to come to me before larger problems occur, and I want to be able to work with them to develop exceptional solutions to hopefully make them even more successful.

"Coming together is a beginning.   Keeping together is progress.   Working together is success."

- Henry Ford

It's not going to be easy to establish someone as a client for life, and your journey doesn't end once you get them there; you need to continue to grow that relationship day in and day out to keep it sustained.

It all starts by showing them that you are in it for the long term relationship and not the short term gain.  In all of your actions you need to show that you are willing to put your clients' interests in front of your own.   This may mean recommending solutions that don't necessarily benefit you, but in the long run have the greatest impact on that customer.   Remember you're in it for the long term relationship, not just the short term..

Once you start to do these things, you then need to show your client that you are genuinely interested in them and their business.  Give them your attention, listen to their needs, don't interrupt them, and hear them fully out.   It will make a difference.  Earlier I spoke about how your client could be anyone, so imagine now that your employee is your customer.   They have come to your office to talk to you about a problem, but you sat there and told them you were listening to them, but were glued to your computer answering emails (multitasking).   How do you think that employee feels?   Are you coming across as genuinely interested in them and their business?   I don't think so.   The same goes for internal or external customers; focus your attention on them and don't let distractions get in your way.   Everyone can tell if you're not genuine.  Even if you think you're the best of actors, actions speak louder than words.  All great actors slip up, and the moment your client believes you have an ulterior motive for what you do, you've just lost that client forever.  

Other than what's already been mentioned, there are two additional key principles in trying to establish clients for life, both of which build upon a number of the prior relationship points.   The first is you need to work really hard to understand your customers' underlying interests, not just their wants.   Be proactive, suggest solutions to your clients, listen to their problems and help them see the possibilities.    It not only shows you're genuinely listening to them, but it shows that you care for their best interest in front of your own.  In my job, I do this day in and day out, I'm always trying to find opportunities to get more ingrained in the day to day experiences of my internal customer.  This allows me to see opportunities for improvement, bring them up, suggest solutions, and ultimately show them that I am looking out for their best interests as I partner with them to make their vision of what's possible a reality.

That is where the second principle comes in: be reliable, do what you say you will do.

If you want to be trusted, be honest, if you want to be honest, be true, if you want to be true honor your commitment.

- Anil Sinha   

I don't think I can stress enough how important it is to make your commitments.   But, if life happens, communicate early and often the issues you've encountered, the hurdles that now exists, and your plan to get back on track.   Be true to yourself, and don't over commitment.    Everyone understand life happens... but don't let it be a surprise and be on top of it, own the struggles, and show your client you're doing everything to make the situation right.

The client for life triangle is a great way to look at the relationships you have established to date, determine where they fit, and help you formulate a plan on how you can change the relationships you have from either clients or key clients to clients for life.   There is significant time, especially at the beginning to get this right, but over time it can become a habit, and just your normal way of doing business.   Trust me, as a leader you'll be better off investing into your clients; after all, its our clients, not just ourselves who determine how successful we can be.

Be it, Do it, Have it...

My journey to start blogging was a long one.   I came up with a number of excuses to not move forward; e.g. I'm not a journalist.  Would I provide any value?  What should I name it?  What would others think?   I just don't have the time.   You name it, and I probably came up with an excuse.

I talked to a few people who I respected, and the message was almost always the same.   Just do it.  Go ahead and get started.   Inevitably they would ask me what's stopping me, and I really did not have a good answer.  After some self-evaluation, I knew there were two things that I had done to myself to create drama around this for myself.  The first being I made a story out of the situation without truly just evaluating the facts, and secondly I found that I had conveniently created myself a set of excuses utilizing the Have It, Do It, Be It way of thinking versus the Be It, Do It, Have It way of thinking (taught by Cy Wakeman).   I'm planning to write more on the story telling portion that we all do to create unnecessary heartburn for ourselves in a future post, but for now let's focus on the Be It, Do It, Have It way of thinking that we should all try to achieve.

I have always set forth different goals and objectives for my career, and in doing so one of them was to find an avenue to share what I've learned about leadership with others.   I wasn't sure what direction to go, but blogging came to mind as a potentially great fit for what I wanted to do. It not only seemed simple to implement, but I actually have a cousin who has a highly successful cooking blog in Europe and watching that grow in itself has been inspirational.   (My cousin is a successful journalist and great photographer in her own right, and she took her combined passions into a blog which has landed her commercials, sponsorships, and even opportunities to meet celebrities like master chef Gordon Ramsay.)

I was pumped and ready to go, but rather than just starting, I started to focus on the Have It way of thinking, and I immediately started to get in trouble.  I started to convince myself to be a successful blogger I needed to HAVE get a good office so I'd have somewhere to focus to write and be left alone.   I needed to HAVE a catchy name for my blog otherwise it wouldn't get noticed, and I had to make sure the domain name was available.   I convinced myself that to really be successful I needed to HAVE a full social media presence, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, ect...  I had it in my head if I could put all these things in place and start actively utilizing them on a daily basis (Do It), that I would become a successful blogger and educator helping me achieve my goals (Be It).   I was wrong, and really at the end of the day, I needed to change my mindset.

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds, cannot change anything."

- George Bernard Shaw

In reality, you don't become something by Having It first.   How many running backs in the NFL do you think got there because they bought great shoes?   How many journalists won a Pulitzer prize because they paid great money for a computer or bought an expensive pen?   None.   To be a great running back, you need to practice your running and your movements in and out of tight situations.  To be a great journalist you need to practice your writing and your research capabilities.   You need to Be It first.  The journey starts at Be It, have confidence in yourself and your skills, and jump right in.  Know that you may fail, but get up and just try again as Theodore Roosevelt indicates in this great quote.  At its essence, it signifies that it is better to have tried to succeed than to not try at all.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

- Theodore Roosevelt 

Knowing my cousin, she would have told me, "who cares what others think, just go out there and do it for yourself; otherwise, it's not worth it."   I'm going to have some blogs that are great and that I'm really proud of, but at the same time I'm going to have some blogs that probably could have seen better days.   But at least I'm trying.  I'm going to do my best to be a blogger and an educator (Be It), I'm going to look for other avenues and opportunities to continue to refine my skills (Do It), and then maybe I'll worry about getting that office, domain name, or Facebook account (Have It).    

Work on changing your mindset.   Catch yourself in the Have It, Do It, Be It mentality.  It's not easy to catch, and honestly not easy to change, but if you are at least conscious that the way of thinking exists you are better off for trying to right the ship and flip it around.    Make yourself "Be It" first, "Do It" second, and worry about "Have It" later, and hopefully your changed mindset will also get you closer to your goals.

Change the Question, Change your Perspective, Change your Mindset

Recently, I have come to enjoy the concept "Change the Question"; it is a very simple concept but does wonders for changing one's perspective and mindset.   In its most simplistic form it teaches you to change a question with a negative perspective to one that is actionable and puts the accountability of the situation on the one person who can impact it the most.... YOU.

I am lucky enough to sit on a steering committee with an organization here locally whose mission is to educate and grow leaders within our community.   As part of that program, every year since I joined it, I have the pleasure to listen to Cy Wakeman share her leadership perspective.   I can guarantee you I never leave one of her seminars without learning something.  This time was no different.   "Changing the Question" was one of many concepts she discussed this year, and as with a number of items Cy teaches, I immediately found it helpful both professionally and personally.

Professional Perspective

I've been in a number of situations where myself or someone I know starts falling into the trap of negative questions, believing the organization is against them, and forgetting we control our own destinies.  Not sure what I mean by negative questions, here are some examples:   "Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?"  "Why didn't this group do ....?"  "Why cant .... perform .... well?".  I'm a huge believer in ownership and being in control of one's situation, but sometimes it's hard for us to see through our self generated drama; changing the question allows us to step back and remember we control our own destiny.

"You are the master of your destiny.  You can influence, direct, and control your own environment. You can make your life what you want it to be" 

- Napoleon Hill

Let's try to change the question with the first example above "Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?".  Using Cy's technique, this question could be reworded to be "What can I do to make sure I'm informed?".   I know you can see the difference, because it's quite dramatic.  One screams of a victim unsure of how to cope and the other of an individual poised to take ownership of his/her situation and change their destiny.

Imagine a situation at work where an employee or a peer of yours comes into the room and starts complaining about another group.   "Why didn't this group do ....?"   "Why don't they listen?".   You are immediately faced with a choice; you can be part of the problem and join the drama being created, or you can help that individual "Change the Question" and potentially spark a positive transformation in not only that individual but the future interactions with the team in question.    You can either explain to them the concept, and work on trying to define that different perspective together, or just be direct and ask them the actionable and accountable questions: "What did you do to make sure they understood their responsibilities?"   "What have you done to determine the best form of communication with them?"   "How can you help.... learn to perform .... well?"   By "Changing the Question" you're getting the individual to step back from the immediate drama of the situation to look at what they can do to influence change.    My hope is someday my employees will catch themselves complaining about a situation, change the question, and transform their thinking without having to stop by for guidance.

Personal Perspective

From a personal perspective, this concept has also had a great impact on me, and if you have children, I'm sure you will be able to relate to my situation. I have two wonderful boys, but they have their moments when they want to test boundaries or want to think the whole world is going against them. "Changing the Question" has allowed me to have more constructive conversations with them in seemingly trying times in their little worlds.  Let me give you a quick example: the other day my older son was in a bad mood and was taking it out on his brother, and it finally got to the point that he was being disciplined for his actions. His immediate response was "Why do I always get in trouble? Why doesn't my younger brother get in trouble?".  Having just recently gone through this seminar with Cy; I caught on to the fact that he was victimizing his situation. He had absolved himself from any of the responsibility he had in creating the situation, and was trying to redirect the conversation by placing the blame and responsibility on someone else. Given this new technique, all I had to do was ask him, "What could you have done to not upset his brother in this situation?" and "What could you have done to avoid getting in trouble, if you truly felt your brother was in the wrong?". He immediately changed his tune; he was no longer defensive.  He was thinking through the questions, and he provided some valuable insights.  At the end of his disciplinary period, I think he came out with a better understanding, and may at least think twice before getting into trouble again. I'm not saying this technique provides miracles.  My sons will argue again; they're boys, and brothers... it will happen.  But at least in this instance, using this simple technique, we both had a more constructive conversation, and I don't think I could have asked for anything more.

Although this concept is simple, it can only be done well through repetitive execution, as is true with most things.   Do not get discouraged and give up if you stray away from it.  We all have our moments, but just recognize it and strive to improve the next time around.

"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent." 

- Marilyn vos Savant

So next time you are in a situation where you find yourself or someone else playing the victim, spewing negative questions and creating drama, remember to "Change the Question", bring actionable accountability into the situation, and figure out how to improve as you move forward.

Set your goals, Set your ideals, Set your stars... and just GO.

When I started my leadership journey, there were some words that were spoken at my collegiate graduation that made a profound impact on my life to date.   I can't really tell you what was said at the rest of the graduation or for that matter at any of my other post collegiate graduations, but I do remember Herman Cain stepping up to the podium and as a true orator simply stating: 

"Let it be borne in mind, that the tragedy of life does not lie in not reaching your goals...  The tragedy lies in having no goals to reach"

"It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideals...  It is a disaster to have no ideals to capture"

"It is not a disgrace to be unable to reach your stars...  It is a disgrace to have no stars to reach"

Overall, it probably took less than a minute to get those words out, which he stated were spoken at his commencement ceremony by Benjamin Elijah Mays a mentor to Martin Luther King Jr., but those words have stayed with me ever since. 


Mr. Cain will never realize the impact that he had on me as a leader, but his reminder to set goals, capture ideals, and reach for the stars is advice that has driven me throughout my career.   It's simple advice I continue to remind myself of as I've changed jobs throughout the years, always modifying where I want to be and how I want to move myself forward.   

The journey for me to do this blog is just another step for me in reaching my goals, capturing my ideals, and reaching for my stars.   I've always sat back and debated starting a blog on leadership, but never really forced myself to take that step forward.   Despite having that goal out there, it was always something that intimidated me.  Thankfully, a recent encounter with Eric Paley encouraged me to jump in feet first and see where it could go.   Eric was a panelist at an event I attended, and being that he was a successful blogger and entrepreneur in his own right, I spoke to him a little after the event and he encouraged me to just get started.   Don't over think it, just go ahead and make it happen, and so with that gentle nudge,  I've decided to do just that.   Thanks, Eric. 

As the blog name indicates, "Necessitate Leadership", I feel we live in a world where leadership is now unavoidable.   Everyone has the ability to be a leader, it's just a matter of deciding at what level we want to engage that ability, be it just by example, via servant leadership, or some other means.    At the end of the day, it's not something we can decide to do or not do, it's something that has to be done in order for us to have success as the world continues to change so much so quickly.   

This blog will focus on resources that I use to continue to grow the leader within me, and hopefully in turn it also grows the leader within you.   While waiting for my next post, remember to keep your goals, ideals, and stars attainable but just far enough away that you need to stretch to achieve them...  If you can do this, you'll always be assured that you're working to be better today than you were yesterday.