Recently, I have come to enjoy the concept "Change the Question"; it is a very simple concept but does wonders for changing one's perspective and mindset. In its most simplistic form it teaches you to change a question with a negative perspective to one that is actionable and puts the accountability of the situation on the one person who can impact it the most.... YOU.
I am lucky enough to sit on a steering committee with an organization here locally whose mission is to educate and grow leaders within our community. As part of that program, every year since I joined it, I have the pleasure to listen to Cy Wakeman share her leadership perspective. I can guarantee you I never leave one of her seminars without learning something. This time was no different. "Changing the Question" was one of many concepts she discussed this year, and as with a number of items Cy teaches, I immediately found it helpful both professionally and personally.
Professional Perspective
I've been in a number of situations where myself or someone I know starts falling into the trap of negative questions, believing the organization is against them, and forgetting we control our own destinies. Not sure what I mean by negative questions, here are some examples: "Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?" "Why didn't this group do ....?" "Why cant .... perform .... well?". I'm a huge believer in ownership and being in control of one's situation, but sometimes it's hard for us to see through our self generated drama; changing the question allows us to step back and remember we control our own destiny.
Imagine a situation at work where an employee or a peer of yours comes into the room and starts complaining about another group. "Why didn't this group do ....?" "Why don't they listen?". You are immediately faced with a choice; you can be part of the problem and join the drama being created, or you can help that individual "Change the Question" and potentially spark a positive transformation in not only that individual but the future interactions with the team in question. You can either explain to them the concept, and work on trying to define that different perspective together, or just be direct and ask them the actionable and accountable questions: "What did you do to make sure they understood their responsibilities?" "What have you done to determine the best form of communication with them?" "How can you help.... learn to perform .... well?" By "Changing the Question" you're getting the individual to step back from the immediate drama of the situation to look at what they can do to influence change. My hope is someday my employees will catch themselves complaining about a situation, change the question, and transform their thinking without having to stop by for guidance.
Personal Perspective
From a personal perspective, this concept has also had a great impact on me, and if you have children, I'm sure you will be able to relate to my situation. I have two wonderful boys, but they have their moments when they want to test boundaries or want to think the whole world is going against them. "Changing the Question" has allowed me to have more constructive conversations with them in seemingly trying times in their little worlds. Let me give you a quick example: the other day my older son was in a bad mood and was taking it out on his brother, and it finally got to the point that he was being disciplined for his actions. His immediate response was "Why do I always get in trouble? Why doesn't my younger brother get in trouble?". Having just recently gone through this seminar with Cy; I caught on to the fact that he was victimizing his situation. He had absolved himself from any of the responsibility he had in creating the situation, and was trying to redirect the conversation by placing the blame and responsibility on someone else. Given this new technique, all I had to do was ask him, "What could you have done to not upset his brother in this situation?" and "What could you have done to avoid getting in trouble, if you truly felt your brother was in the wrong?". He immediately changed his tune; he was no longer defensive. He was thinking through the questions, and he provided some valuable insights. At the end of his disciplinary period, I think he came out with a better understanding, and may at least think twice before getting into trouble again. I'm not saying this technique provides miracles. My sons will argue again; they're boys, and brothers... it will happen. But at least in this instance, using this simple technique, we both had a more constructive conversation, and I don't think I could have asked for anything more.
I am lucky enough to sit on a steering committee with an organization here locally whose mission is to educate and grow leaders within our community. As part of that program, every year since I joined it, I have the pleasure to listen to Cy Wakeman share her leadership perspective. I can guarantee you I never leave one of her seminars without learning something. This time was no different. "Changing the Question" was one of many concepts she discussed this year, and as with a number of items Cy teaches, I immediately found it helpful both professionally and personally.
Professional Perspective
I've been in a number of situations where myself or someone I know starts falling into the trap of negative questions, believing the organization is against them, and forgetting we control our own destinies. Not sure what I mean by negative questions, here are some examples: "Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?" "Why didn't this group do ....?" "Why cant .... perform .... well?". I'm a huge believer in ownership and being in control of one's situation, but sometimes it's hard for us to see through our self generated drama; changing the question allows us to step back and remember we control our own destiny.
"You are the master of your destiny. You can influence, direct, and control your own environment. You can make your life what you want it to be"
- Napoleon HillLet's try to change the question with the first example above "Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?". Using Cy's technique, this question could be reworded to be "What can I do to make sure I'm informed?". I know you can see the difference, because it's quite dramatic. One screams of a victim unsure of how to cope and the other of an individual poised to take ownership of his/her situation and change their destiny.
Imagine a situation at work where an employee or a peer of yours comes into the room and starts complaining about another group. "Why didn't this group do ....?" "Why don't they listen?". You are immediately faced with a choice; you can be part of the problem and join the drama being created, or you can help that individual "Change the Question" and potentially spark a positive transformation in not only that individual but the future interactions with the team in question. You can either explain to them the concept, and work on trying to define that different perspective together, or just be direct and ask them the actionable and accountable questions: "What did you do to make sure they understood their responsibilities?" "What have you done to determine the best form of communication with them?" "How can you help.... learn to perform .... well?" By "Changing the Question" you're getting the individual to step back from the immediate drama of the situation to look at what they can do to influence change. My hope is someday my employees will catch themselves complaining about a situation, change the question, and transform their thinking without having to stop by for guidance.
Personal Perspective
From a personal perspective, this concept has also had a great impact on me, and if you have children, I'm sure you will be able to relate to my situation. I have two wonderful boys, but they have their moments when they want to test boundaries or want to think the whole world is going against them. "Changing the Question" has allowed me to have more constructive conversations with them in seemingly trying times in their little worlds. Let me give you a quick example: the other day my older son was in a bad mood and was taking it out on his brother, and it finally got to the point that he was being disciplined for his actions. His immediate response was "Why do I always get in trouble? Why doesn't my younger brother get in trouble?". Having just recently gone through this seminar with Cy; I caught on to the fact that he was victimizing his situation. He had absolved himself from any of the responsibility he had in creating the situation, and was trying to redirect the conversation by placing the blame and responsibility on someone else. Given this new technique, all I had to do was ask him, "What could you have done to not upset his brother in this situation?" and "What could you have done to avoid getting in trouble, if you truly felt your brother was in the wrong?". He immediately changed his tune; he was no longer defensive. He was thinking through the questions, and he provided some valuable insights. At the end of his disciplinary period, I think he came out with a better understanding, and may at least think twice before getting into trouble again. I'm not saying this technique provides miracles. My sons will argue again; they're boys, and brothers... it will happen. But at least in this instance, using this simple technique, we both had a more constructive conversation, and I don't think I could have asked for anything more.
"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent."
- Marilyn vos SavantSo next time you are in a situation where you find yourself or someone else playing the victim, spewing negative questions and creating drama, remember to "Change the Question", bring actionable accountability into the situation, and figure out how to improve as you move forward.
No comments:
Post a Comment